Rabbi Jokes and Stories

I thought it would be fun to link the rabbi search with some general rabbi humor and stories. Watch this page for additions.

If you have one to contribute, please e-mail it to webmaster.

The Mishna

A Sukkah built on top of a wagon or on the deck of a ship is valid and it may be
used on the holiday. A Sukkah built on a treetop or the back of a camel is valid but
may not be used on the holiday.

The Gemarah
(Sukkah 23a) comments on the Mishna as follows:

From where do we learn the above? The source is Rabbi Akiva, as we possess a citation saying, "A Sukkah which is built on the deck of a boat, Rabban Gamliel invalidates it and Rabbi Akiva approves."

Once upon a time, Rabban Gamliel and Rabbi Akiva sailed together on a ship. Rabbi Akiva built his Sukkah on deck. The next day the wind blew and tore it off its place. Rabban Gamliel asked Rabbi Akiva mockingly, "Where is your Sukkah now?"

Babylonian commentator Abayei explained that everybody agrees that a Sukkah which cannot withstand normal wind on land is invalid, certainly so when it is not built on land.

The dispute (between Rabbi Akiva and Rabban Gamliel) was over whether a Sukkah that could withstand normal land-bound wind is valid while it is standing on the high seas. Rabban Gamliel believed that a Sukkah must be strong enough to serve as a permanent dwelling, thus if it could not stand up to the wind at sea, it was not valid. Rabbi Akiva believed that a Sukkah had to be a temporary dwelling, and all it needed to withstand to qualify was normal land-bound wind.

As to the Sukkah built on a camel’s back, who taught this oral law? It was Rabbi Meir, as we possess an addendum citation (Braita) saying, "A Sukkah built on the back of a camel: Rabbi Meir approves and Rabbi Yehuda invalidates."

What was Rabbi Yehuda's reason? He pointed to the Torah verse "Celebrate the holiday of Sukkot seven days," consequently your Sukkah must be constructed in a manner that insures it would remain standing for seven days. A Sukkah which does not qualify for seven days is not considered a valid Sukkah.

…A Sukkah in which a barnyard animal serves as one of the walls: Rabbi Meir invalidates and Rabbi Yehuda approves. This view of Rabbi Meir is consistent with his parallel opinion that "anything live cannot be used as a wall for a Sukkah, nor as the side of a doorway to an enclosure, nor as a fence around a ditch, nor as an enclosure over an open grave. And Rabbi Jose of Galilee added: nor can one write a bill of divorce on the side of a living animal."

What was Rabbi Meir’s reasoning? Abayei said - lest the animal die. Rabbi Zeira said - lest it run away.

But concerning an elephant everybody was in an agreement, since if it dies (while serving as a wall to a Sukkah) its body would still be at least 48 inches tall, sustaining the minimum requirement for the height of a Sukkah wall…

   Translation and illustration: Yori Yanover
   Edited by Larry Yudelson

Subject: The Perfect Rabbi

The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect Rabbi preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sins but never upsets anyone. He works from 8:00 AM until midnight and is also a janitor.

He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens. The perfect Rabbi smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on congregation families, shut-ins and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed.

If your Rabbi does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other synagogues that are tired of their Rabbi, too. Then bundle up your Rabbi and send him to the synagogue on the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 Rabbis and one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this procedure.

One congregation broke the chain and got its old Rabbi back in less than three weeks.

Rabbi! There's an elephant in my Sukkah...

The sages of old spelled out in great detail the requirements for a valid Sukkah: The booth must be temporary yet able to stand, not too tall and not too short, properly covered with material that lets in enough shade and enough light. And what about those Sukkahs which stand on a camel's back? Herewith, an excerpt from the Talmud:

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