WASHINGTON -- Reflecting on our long meander amid the mundane in 1998, I'd just like to know ...
... How many out there will admit to licking a self-sticking stamp before placing it on an envelope?
... Has anyone else ever stood up and strolled to the boom box with the intention of turning over the CD?
... Is it possible for a member of Congress to declare him- or herself a free agent?
... What advantage does any teacher see in having kindergarten children practice cursive script before they've mastered printing or the alphabet?
... Has Xerox ever sued anyone for using its trademark as a verb?
... Why do teachers who refuse to let their pupils eat junk food in school always take the kids to junk-food joints when they go on an all-day field trip?
... Why doesn't someone tell all those famous people with milk moustaches that they're drinking too much, too quickly?
... Will today's youngsters grow up thinking Armageddon is a Bruce Willis box-office smash?
... Why do pro baseball players insist on wearing batting helmets with only one earflap?
... Is there some relationship between the bell that's rung to end a boxing match and the bell that's rung to close the New York Stock Exchange?
... Why don't lawyers keep taxicab meters on their desks?
... In the entire flap over the President's relationship with an intern, has anyone truly pondered the implications of what taping one's friend's telephone conversations does to friendship?
... For that matter, is there genuine friendship in the federal offices inside the Beltway?
... In the argument over whether professional golfers should be allowed to use carts, has anyone determined whether electric carts have an edge over gas-powered carts?
... Does anyone in America still wrap fish with newsprint?
... have those who criticize today's youths for not wanting to read ever spent time playing modern computer games?
... Do people anywhere in the world sit around and idle time away by "twiddling their thumbs"?
... If the House Judiciary committee's deliberations on impeachment were about "principles and not politics," how come almost everyone voted along straight party lines?
... Does Mark Russell sing parodies of hymns in church?
... If newspapers are an "industry," what is their product?
... Will the Rollerblade company sue my sons for insisting they're going "rollerblading"?
... If this is the year of "60 Minutes II," aren't we also in the year of "Meet the Press IX"?
... For that matter, isn't this the year of "Wall Street Week MCMXXIII"?
... Why doesn't baseball adopt a rule such as the "third-man-in" rule of ice hockey or the NBA's "leaving-the-bench" rule to discourage bench-clearing brawls?
... What's the opposite of live news?
... Where are the critics of the watered-down religious message of "Prince of Egypt" while Barney and Sesame Street weekly promote a vapid view of religious beliefs?
... How come football-on-TV announcers never tell us who's talking to whom in all those head sets?
... Why does the stall for the handicapped in men's rooms always contain the most comfortable toilet seat?
... How many fans of the "World" champion New York Yankees know that the Yokohama BayStars won the Japan Series?
... When will some conservatives begin to elaborate the distinctions between virtue and faith?
... Will the Disney Channel challenge Turner Television's 15 days of James Bond with 20 days of Zorro?
... If "instant replay" is truly of no help to referees, why do TV stations keep replaying the highlights? And why do we always beg to see the replay?
... Why do people think it's odd to elect a professional wrestler as governor in a nation that's already had a B-movie actor for a president as well as a rock singer and several retired professional athletes in its legislature?
... When did basketball stop being a non-contact sport?
... Why, in his virulent critiques of the President that cite Old Testament justice, does Christian commentator Cal Thomas never cite the New Testament message of grace and forgiveness?
... Why do media companies in a democracy assume they can charge for news, information and opinion?
... What's a lover to do with a partridge in a pear tree?
Allan R. Andrews can be contacted at allan.andrews@reporters.net
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