The American Reporter

Vol. 6, No. 1324 - March 29, 2000

Random musings: A BRIEF RE-INTRODUCTION TO COMMON SENSE

By Allan R. Andrews
American Reporter Correspondent

At what point did we allow ourselves to think that "peace-keeping" is accomplished with armed forces?

If the television newscaster has a story, why does he or she tease us with "the story at eleven"? I thought the idea of news was to get it out as quickly and as accurately as possible.

Did we need Jack Germond's defection to convince us that The McLaughlin Report is outrageous?

What does it say about our culture that professional rassling (I refuse to call it wrestling and insult the college and high school athletes who take part in the legitimate sport) is essentially all rant and rage?

When did we begin to allow ourselves to think that public relations writers were producing "news"?

When "Touched by an Angel" and "Seventh Heaven" have run their courses and rolled over into re-runs, are we expected to stop believing in angels? Will the media still report as many "angel" stories?

Wanna bet some papyrus diehard said of the invention of paper: "Well, you can't roll it into a scroll and store it in a jar!"

And while I'm at it, does anyone truly believe the book of Genesis is a science textbook?

Furthermore, when man was created from the dust of the earth, surely there were particles of monkey dung in the dust.

If supporting school vouchers means one is seeking to destroy public education, why haven't the Harvards and Stanfords and MITs of our nation destroyed public higher education?

Does anyone else consider Chevrolet and other sponsors cheapskates when it's announced during televised sporting events that these sponsors have donated $1,000 to a scholarship fund in the player-of-the-game's name? One thousand dollars? That'll just about pay for one good student's books and fees for a semester or so.

Does anyone still use a rotary dial telephone? A rare few, I think. A friend who boards students during the summer at a rural resort tells me that her family often has to teach the young undergraduates how to use the rotary phone.

When will announcers and reporters in the world of sports journalism tell us candidly that none of the money a college or university earns from televised athletics goes into the building of classrooms, the salaries of professors or general academic programs?

Some schools close for the day on election day because the schoolhouse is used as a polling place. In my voting district we vote in a firehouse. Does this mean the firefighters have the day off to be with their kids?

I'd like to meet the person who predicted the @ sign one day would become the most ubiquitous symbol in the world.

The problem with comparing modern military bombing to surgery -- as in "surgical strikes" -- is that the bombers aren't trying to save the patient.

While I'm on the subject, do "surgical" bombers practice according to the Hippocratic Oath?

Other than Walter Lippmann, are there any other erudite dissenters from the cult of H.L. Mencken?

Is compassionate conservatism an oxymoron?

Lost in the flap over anti-Catholic bias at Bob Jones University was the revelation that Bob Jones IV holds a degree from the University of Notre Dame. Must have gone there to better understand the heathen, huh?

Does anyone else think day care is overrated? How about school teaching? Must be we overrate those things we don't pay well.

And while I think of it, why don't more men go into day care? Probably for the same reason more women don't become Little League umpires.

If Walter Cronkite had taught philosophy, could he have gotten away with saying, "And that's the way it is"?

I tend to agree with the British editorialist who said that when the stolen Oscar statuettes were found in the trash behind a convenience store, they had finally wound up where they belonged.

What does it say about education that my children reluctantly read their assigned books but eagerly devour every word on the back of the breakfast cereal boxes?

Lost in the squabble over whether a chaplain in the legislature should be a Protestant or a Roman Catholic was any question of whether he or she must be a Christian. Or a male, for that matter.

Does anyone these days -- other than engineers and accountants -- use a computer to compute?

Speaking of computers, I may be dating myself, but I recall when large numbers of Luddites refused to use ballpoint pens.

In an age when speechmaking increasingly is a form of addressing the mass media, what is it that keeps the sermon alive?

In my neighborhood, the busiest night, the night that brings traffic to a standstill, is Saturday when the Roman Catholic chapel's Mass ends. How come I never read about it in my local newspaper?

Perhaps we don't hate "bottom-line thinking" as much as we should because so many of us have silently joined the accursed stockholders.

Let me get this straight: We need famous people to sell us dog food, but a dog can convince us to eat Mexican food.

Has anyone noticed that both of the apparent nominees for President of the United States are four-letter words?

I heard American athletes who played some of their games in Japan speak of gaining respect from the Japanese fans, but I never heard anyone speak of showing respect for the Japanese.

The United States may be the only English-speaking nation on earth where the most widely spoken foreign language is English.

I have read the Book of American Humility, and its pages are blank.

Copyright 2000 Joe Shea The American Reporter. All Rights Reserved.