DID SOMEBODY SAY A GOOD MEAL?
by Allan R. Andrews
American Reporter Correspondent

Just this week I took my children to a "drive thru" window at another of the myriad "fast-food joints," only to sit in the car for over 20 minutes waiting to get to the talking box that took our order. My oldest son noted at least three autos that arrived after us, parked, entered the restaurant and left again with their orders while we sat in the "hasty and convenient" drive-thru lane.

It appears to me that "have it your way" generally translates into a wait as long or longer than the wait at a traditional restaurant and for food that hardly measures up to the cuisine of more standard restaurants.

Ironically, in foreign countries I have visited in the past two or three years, the service in American-style fast-food restaurants is precisely what it's touted to be -- fast. They are outrageously expensive, even by their own standards, but they're fast. We seem to have exported our zest with our restaurateurship.

I realize I'm making a harsh and drastic judgment here, but I detect that while our U.S. economy is booming along at a pace few expect to continue for too long, our infrastructure of efficiency is falling by the wayside, giving place in the food industry to weary food and disinterested service.

During the holidays, at least two sets of family friends related tales of being mildly embarrassed and angered at fast-food restaurants by the attitudes and behavior of the staffs.

One person related an ongoing argument between two people behind the counter that accompanied a virtual standstill of service as waiting customers stood by in astonishment at the vehemence of the debate and its general lack of concern for place and audience.

"I was embarrassed for them," my friend said in relating the tale. "It was the kind of confrontation that had no place in public."

This week I experienced mildly similar customer disdain at another of the fast-food emporiums. My wife had called ahead, and I arrived, paid the check and then went to another place at the counter to pick up my order.

Just as I arrived, a telephone on the back wall of the restaurant rang, and the young man who would normally have been greeting me with a smile and the delivery of my order picked up the receiver and engaged in a continuing and obviously personal telephone conversation that kept me waiting for my pick-up order at least another two minutes. A manager finally spoke up, telling him to "cut it short."

Another friend told of waiting in long lines at a hamburger restaurant while three or four staff people behind the counter ran about doing busywork and clerical work while a young and inexperienced person at the cash register tried to deal with the growing crowd of customers. With five people working behind the counter (five visible to customers, that is) and at least a dozen customers waiting to be served, four of the workers ambled about and ignored the hungry crowd that pays their salaries.

Another recent experience with a fast-food restaurant spoke volumes to me of the "we're-doin'-fine-sorry-about-you" attitude I detect in these franchises. A new restaurant opened in the neighborhood, and I believe it was the second day of business for them when my family and I visited. It was a typical fast-food restaurant with hard seats, small tables, tile floors and some very old or very young person doing the menial chore of mopping the floor or emptying the trash bins, just the kind of behavior to stimulate the appetite.

After taking our order, the manager, who had been helping the young man at the cash register and giving him explicit instructions in how to take an order and the kinds of questions to ask, turned to me and said, "Thank you, sir, and will this be to go or will you be dining in our dining hall tonight?" I had to chuckle as I looked about the sterile "dining hall," but admittedly I was impressed with the courtesy and the efficiency.

About three weeks later, after the restaurant had enjoyed a busy opening month, I visited again. The courtesy was gone. No one asked me if I was planning to remain in the "dining hall," and in fact there were several off-duty employees lounging around the restaurant and obviously discussing the pros and cons -- mostly cons -- of the managerial staff of the restaurant.

This has given me pause for thought. In my recent experience, fast-food restaurants have been neither fast, efficient, nor particularly pleasant atmospheres in which to enjoy a meal. Why do we keep coming back to them in record numbers?

A good part of the answer is: Toys! Anyone with children has undergone second-order brainwashing regarding these places. My children often order a meal (and don't eat it) just to collect a particular toy or game card being offered at the time. On the road, my children are attracted to these places because they have massive playgrounds attached to them, and again, food becomes a secondary concern.

Furthermore, has anyone noticed that restaurants generally do not spend a great deal of money or time advertising on television? With a major exception, that is. The fast-food franchises are ubiquitous advertisers on tv, and their name brands have become unprotected generic meals -- more often than not selling us a game experience, a toy adventure, or a fantasy of paradise in a boxy brick building surrounded by parking spaces.

In my lifetime, fast-food restaurants have completely redefined my concept of french-fried potatoes, and they have almost totally redefined America's attitude toward "eating with your fingers."

My biggest gripe with all of them, however, is that there's not a one of them that can make a decent cup of coffee!

Allan R. Andrews can be reached at allan.andrews@reporters.net

Copyright 2000 Joe Shea The American Reporter. All Rights Reserved.